The Waiting Game

I am waiting to hear back from two farms that are interested in having me volunteer.  Waiting is hard.  Sometimes I feel like I’m always waiting for things to happen…. waiting for life to “start”.  Does anyone else struggle with that?  It seems we’re always rushing towards something….. graduation, getting a job, marriage, children, vacations, then ultimately retirement, and, ummmm, post-retirement.  Our society trains us to build our hopes on upcoming milestones, and I guess I’m well-trained.  Because my life doesn’t look like the “ordinary”, or conventional thirty-something American woman’s life, I often do feel like I am waiting for the next milestone.  My milestones just seem to be different from the job, husband, white-picket fence, and babies.  Maybe thinking so much about tomorrow stops me from enjoying the live-moment as much as I could.  Maybe that stops me from committing myself completely to today.  I don’t know, but I do know I am waiting again.  Waiting to hear the, “Sure!  We’d love to share our passion for natural and organic living with you!”  Waiting for the next step of the journey.  I like to think that I’ve made myself completely available for whatever comes; only those willing to even take the bus, have to wait for the bus to arrive.  I’m excited to see where the winds inside me will drive these sails.

I’m looking at the two suitcases on the floor of my bedroom.  Hard to believe, but my life fits snugly, very snugly at this point, into those two cases.  I guess it’s kind of strange, maybe if I were 18 or 19 it wouldn’t be so strange, but here I am, two weeks from turning 33, and living out of suitcases, hoping to get a phone call from a coffee farm in the mountains of Puerto Rico,  a yes to hard labor, intense work, and no pay check.  I never dreamed my life would take this path, but I feel so blessed to be here.  I’m happy because I’m listening to the passions that God has sewn within me.  I don’t know how this all fits in to my life as a whole, but for today, I honor those passions and am grateful for the chance to learn more about myself.

The more I think about it, maybe waiting isn’t always a bad thing.  I suppose some people never open up their lives to change and the possibility of new experiences.  Sometimes we get so comfortable and settled, by our own choice or not, that we just become stagnant.  One thing I’ve learned is that there are all types of people in the world, including people who like change and people who don’t.  I guess I’m one who likes change, well, because that’s one way to live new experiences, learn new things, and open our windows to a greater view of the world.  At least that’s what I think.  So, here I am embracing the waiting time, standing in the winding tunnel of life,  looking down and wondering what is beyond the next corner.  I can’t see it, that’s for sure, but choose to walk the path set before me, one step at a time.  Since I don’t have an areal view of that tunnel,  only what my eyes can see before me, I wait.  I wait and prepare turn that corner… again and again.